Jokes :)

Discussion in 'Humour and Debate' started by Ajven, Aug 25, 2014.

  1. Ajven

    Ajven New Member

    An alien walked into a shop and told the owner that he came from Mars and wanted to buy a brain for research.
    ''How much is this one?'' he asked.
    ''That one is a monkey brain, and it's $20,'' the owner explained.
    ''How much is that one?'' the alien asked.
    "That one is a female brain, and it's $100,'' the owner replied.
    ''And how much is that one?'' the alien asked.
    ''That one is a male's brain and it is $500'' the owner explained.
    ''Why so expensive?'' the alien asked.
    The owner answered,''Well, it's hardly been used!''

    Q: Why did the blonde build a bridge across the river?
    A: So she could have shade when she swam across.

    Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
    The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"

    Q: What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
    A: The translator.

    Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
    A: A mental block.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 26, 2014
  2. Deadlock

    Deadlock Pacmonster

    Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
    A: To go back to the first shoe shop she went in 5 hours ago.
  3. Atreyu

    Atreyu Member

    A man walks into a bar and a giraffe follows him in.
    He sees the giraffe but thinks nothing of it,
    sits down at the bar, and orders a drink.
    Meanwhile, the giraffe lays down on the floor behind him,
    and again, the man sees the giraffe and thinks nothing of it.
    He gets up, pays his tab, and gets ready to walk out the door
    when the bartender shouts, "Hey! You can leave that lyin' there!
    The man turns around and says, "Thats not a lion, its a giraffe!"
  4. Deadlock

    Deadlock Pacmonster

    3 jokes in two years, haha .. A joke in itself

    Ok, so I went out for a meal last night, and had a very confusing dessert.

    It was a misconstrudle ...
  5. db1986

    db1986 Super Moderator

    Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
    A: So she could say "Hello" from the other side :p
  6. Atreyu

    Atreyu Member

    I hate solicitors! :mad:
    One came to my door one day, asking for donations to the community pool...
    I gave him a glass of water! :D
  7. Deadlock

    Deadlock Pacmonster

    Last night I got a knock on the door, two men in suits asking what kind of bread I buy??? I said well I get white usually fresh from the bakers.

    They started lecturing me about whole grain, wheatgerm, the benefits of brown bread and how good it is, how it can affect my life for the better, etc etc. I couldn't get rid of them. They were on my doorstep for 45 minutes.

    Turned out they were Hovis Witnesses.
  8. Deadlock

    Deadlock Pacmonster

    Police have announced a lorry full of onions has crashed on the motorway blocking all three lanes.

    They are advising motorists find a hard shoulder to cry on.
  9. Deadlock

    Deadlock Pacmonster

    Police announced they are looking for a man with one eye called Dennis. They admit they don't know the name of his other eye.
  10. goose

    goose Active Member

    I swallowed two pieces of string and they came out tied together. I s*** you knot!
    Deadlock likes this.
  11. Deadlock

    Deadlock Pacmonster

    My girlfriend just dumped me cos apparently I talk too much about video games ...

    I said, "What a ridiculous thing to Fallout 4!"
  12. Atreyu

    Atreyu Member

    Do you know whats grosser than gross?
    When a midget comes up to you and says "Mmmmmm, your hair smells good!"

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